Josh Beckett, SP, Boston Red Sox

For a couple of years now, I've been oddly excited by Josh Beckett's blisters. Many good young pitchers' arms get blown out by overuse; I thought it was great for his career that Beckett wound up on the DL with hand trouble instead of arm or back trouble. The latter problems tend to be career-threatening, and while I've never heard of anyone else who get blisters as often as Beckett has, I'm pretty sure it's not a career-threatening problem.

Let's take a look at the 1980 Oakland Athletics. Now that's a great, young pitching staff. Has anyone (besides Jason) ever heard of those guys? Of course not. Billy Martin killed them. Too many pitches. 85 percent of their innings were thrown by five players. (For comparison, this year's White Sox -- who also had great starting pitching -- got 69 percent of their innings from their top five starters.)

Josh Beckett was saved from a similar fate -- thanks to his blisters. Managers have short-term goals that don't mesh well with those of their players. Look at Billy Martin: he wasn't even the manager in 1983, so it wasn't his problem that Mike Norris only threw 89 innings that year (down from 284 in 1980). Josh Beckett's manager on the Marlins, Jack McKeon, was fired. What does he care whether Beckett can pitch in 2008?

I never thought Beckett would wind up on the Red Sox. I figured he'd be a Yankee when his free agent time came. I couldn't be happier that the Red Sox traded for him. No price was too high, and I'm not all that worried about losing Hanley Ramirez or Anibal Sanchez. Sanchez will probably be a good pitcher. If everything works out right, he could be as good as Josh Beckett is right now.

Lies

The Monday after Thanksgiving is the 12th-busiest online shopping day of the year. So much of "Cyber Monday."

Happy Birthday, Mariano Rivera

The Sandman turns 36 today.

Is it live, or is it NBC News?

NBC Stuck to Sunny Rebroadcast of Last Year's M&M's

NBC did not interrupt its broadcast of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade yesterday to bring viewers the news that an M&M balloon had crashed into a light pole, injuring two sisters.

In fact, when the time came in the tightly scripted three-hour program for the M&Ms' appearance, NBC weaved in tape of the balloon crossing the finish line at last year's parade - even as the damaged balloon itself was being dragged from the accident scene. At 11:47 a.m., as an 11-year-old girl and her 26-year-old sister were being treated for injuries, the parade's on-air announcers - Katie Couric, Matt Lauer and Al Roker - kept up their light-hearted repartee from Herald Square, where the parade ends.

"Will these classic candymen get out of this delicious dilemma?" Mr. Roker asked, referring not to the accident but to the premise of the attraction, a red M&M's attempt to save his yellow counterpart, who had been blown from the basket of a hot-air balloon.

Literally!

Congratulations to Maryland State Highway Spokesman Dave Buck for correctly, if redundantly, using the word "literally" correctly!

"You can literally kick the top surface off with your foot," said Maryland State Highway spokesman Dave Buck, who was also on the scene.

I started to make fun of him for using literally, until I realized he actually meant it. Wow.

What a day.

People are dumb

NCAA polls

1. The voters believe that USC is the best team.
2. Oregon has only lost one game: to USC. Which the voters think is the best team (see No. 1, above).
3. Oregon is ranked behind two other teams with TWO losses.

Why isn't Oregon ranked higher? What more do they want from Oregon?

And could someone explain to me way the computer polls -- which are almost surely more internally consistent than any voter's ballot is -- are somehow LESS credible than the Harris, AP and USA Today polls?

Sigh

"People ask me what I do in winter when there's no baseball. I'll tell you what I do. I stare out the window and wait for spring." -- Rogers Hornsby (more stats)

Remarkable pot calls kettle black

Dick Cheney:

Most of you know, I have spent a lot of years in public service, and first came to work in Washington back in the late 1960s. I know what it's like to operate in a highly charged political environment, in which the players on all sides of an issue feel passionately and speak forcefully. In such an environment people sometimes lose their cool, and yet in Washington you can ordinarily rely on some basic measure of truthfulness and good faith in the conduct of political debate. But in the last several weeks we have seen a wild departure from that tradition. And the suggestion that's been made by some U.S. senators that the President of the United States or any member of this administration purposely misled the American people on pre-war intelligence is one of the most dishonest and reprehensible charges ever aired in this city.

This from party of Swift Boats for Truth.

And the award for "Fakest Compromise of 2005" goes to ...

House and Senate negotiators!!! For theis fine work convincing the New York Times Online to run this headline: "G.O.P. Strips Mandatory Funding for Two Alaskan Bridges."

The real story?

In an unusual move to change ``pork'' spending, House-Senate negotiators removed the $432 million in required spending during final talks on a yearly bill to fund programs for the Transportation and Treasury departments, the House Appropriations Committee said.

As a compromise, Alaska will still receive the money that had been set aside for the bridges to spend as it likes on transportation needs.

My new favorite SNL sketch

... from last night's "SNL in the 80s" show.


Host: Welcome to 'Succinctly Speaking,' I'm your host, Nora Dunn. Our guests today: Tarzan, Frankenstein, and Tonto. Welcome, one and all. Our first issue: fire. Tonto?

Tonto: Fire, good.

Host: Tarzan?

Tarzan: Fire, good.

Host: Frankenstein?

Frankenstein: Fire, bad.

Host: See, I think that's what makes this a great show. That kind of back-and ...

Frankenstein: [Interrupts] Fire, bad! Fire, bad!

Frankenstein then destroys the set.

Mmmm ... donuts

From the Detroit Free Press:

Scavenger hunter asks police officer for help, gets arrested instead

... "Part of the scavenger hunt was to get a picture of a cop eating a doughnut. They wanted to know if one of the officers would be willing to get their picture taken," police Chief Paul Smutz told The Muskegon Chronicle.

The officers planned to play along, and they chatted with the man and woman while waiting for the doughnut run. As they spoke, the man, Louis Jasick, recognized Rypstra, a high school classmate who happened to be working overtime that evening.

Durell then remembered seeing Jasick's name on a flier that had been posted in the station only a day earlier. Jasick was wanted on two felony warrants for failing to pay $5,000 in child support.

For those who wonder why I call it The Faux News Channel

Right now -- and this page will probably be dead later -- the lead story on Fox's Politics page is " 'Go Kinky' TV Reality Show Follows Texas Campaign."

Not like there were any, you know, elections yesterday. Under "MORE POLITICS HEADLINES"

• Senate Approves Ban on 'Lifers' from National Cemeteries
• Palmeiro Issues Public Explanation of Failed Drug Test
• GOP Lawmakers Pooh-Pooh Pentagon Disaster Role
• Cadre of House GOP Holds Up ANWR Plan
• Chalabi Looks to Shore Up His Image
• Amtrak President's Career Derailed
• Iraq Intel Rhetoric Escalating on Capitol Hill
• CIA Seeks Probe Into 'Secret Prisons' Leak
• Kilpatrick Keeps Detroit Mayor Seat
• Sanders Wins San Diego Mayor's Race
• Pro-Bush Dem Defeated in St. Paul
• Ohio Voters Reject Election Changes
• Menino Wins Fourth Term as Boston Mayor
• Bloomberg Wins Second Term by Wide Margin
• Texas Voters Approve Gay Marriage Ban
• CIA Launching 'Open Source' Intel Center
• Bush Acknowledges Japan's Opposition to U.S. Military Plan
• Social Security Reform Likely Not Until 2009

Did anyone elect a governor yesterday?

AL Cy Young

I could write a long piece criticizing Bartolo Colon's victory. Or, I could just link to Jayson Stark. Guess which I'm going to do?

If you zap wins out of the who-pitched-best equation and compare him with the guy who finished third in this voting -- Johan Santana -- it wasn't even close.

Santana piled up 81 more strikeouts, beat Colon in ERA by 61 points, allowed almost two fewer baserunners for every nine innings, and had more innings pitched, complete games and shutouts.

Hitters who faced Colon had a batting average of .254 against him. The on-base percentage against Santana was .250. True, Colon had five more wins than Santana (21 vs. 16). But since Santana actually pitched more innings, how was that win gap his fault? The win differential is a stat we can attribute almost completely to their offenses. It's that basic.

• Fun fact: I predicted, on September 9, that Colon would win the award. Of course, I also predicted Randy Johnson (pre-season), Jon Garland (5/20), Roy Halladay (7/6), and Jon Garland again (8/17). But Colon was my final prediction, so I'm kinda pleased with myself.

AL Cy Young

I could write a long piece criticizing Bartolo Colon's victory. Or, I could just link to Jayson Stark. Guess which I'm going to do?

If you zap wins out of the who-pitched-best equation and compare him with the guy who finished third in this voting -- Johan Santana -- it wasn't even close.

Santana piled up 81 more strikeouts, beat Colon in ERA by 61 points, allowed almost two fewer baserunners for every nine innings, and had more innings pitched, complete games and shutouts.

Hitters who faced Colon had a batting average of .254 against him. The on-base percentage against Santana was .250. Any more objections, your honor?

True, Colon had five more wins than Santana (21 vs. 16). But since Santana actually pitched more innings, how was that win gap his fault? The win differential is a stat we can attribute almost completely to their offenses. It's that basic.

Fun fact: I predicted, on September 9, that Colon would win the award. Of course, I also predicted Randy Johnson (pre-season), Jon Garland (5/20), Roy Halladay (7/6), and Jon Garland again (8/17). But Colon was my final prediction, so I'm kinda pleased with myself.

FOX News Commentator: Be Like Bill

Here's the story, but all you really need is the headline: "In Scandalous Times, Bush Could Learn from Clinton."

Oh, Canada

Smitherman apologizes for comments
TORONTO -- Ontario Health Minister George Smitherman has apologized for calling some members of the Ontario Association of Optometrists ''terrorists'' after a party fundraiser last week.


It's nice to see that this type of idiocy extends beyond our borders. I can't remember the circumstances exactly, but I seem to remember the Secretary of Education calling the NEA "terrorists" also. And yet it's an almost inevitable result of declaring [sic] "war" on terrorism. We're not at war with a method, we're at war with an ideology. For example, we're not at war with the Shining Path in Peru. As far I know. And, of course, we've decided to engage in the fight by using Soviet prison camps and torturing our alleged enemies. But I digress.

Beer, and more beer

I present two MAGNIFICIENT ads, for your viewing pleasure:

Guinness
and
Carlton

Three people might find this funny

The Mod Squad: Episode 1-7.

An open letter to Larry Lucchino

End of Glorious Era

And I hope that you die
And your death'll come soon
I will follow your casket
In the pale afternoon
And I'll watch while you're lowered
Down to your deathbed
And I'll stand o'er your grave
'Til I'm sure that you're dead

-- Bob Dylan, Masters of War