The Gray Pages

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Scenes from the Metro

Indian woman on cell phone:

"And they showed Sanjaya?"
"And he was laughing?"
"I want to see him cry again."

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Party like it's 1999, Sut

During last night's Yankee-Devil Rays game, old pal Rick Sutcliffe noted that the Yankees don't have many pitchers in their bullpen that Joe Torre can rely on. I'm paraphrasing here, but Sutcliffe said something like, "In years past, Torre could call on a Jeff Nelson and Mike Stanton in a situation like this."

The last year that Jeff Nelson and Mike Stanton were on the Yankees together was 2000. And it's interesting to note that the Yankees really weren't a great team that year. (Yes, they won the World Series, which is the whole point, but they also won just 87 regular season games, finishing only 2.5 ahead a Red Sox team comprised of Pedro, Nomar, Derek Lowe, Carl Everett and a box of Dunkin Donuts.)

Here are other things that were happening in the American League of Base-Ball Clubs in 2000:
- Four players won Gold Gloves who have since retired.
- Manny Ramirez was 28, and still playing for Cleveland.
- Jason Giambi was 29, and still playing for Oakland.
- The White Sox won the most regular season games with a starting rotation whose ace, Mike Sirotka, I'm not sure existed. And Keith Foulke was their closer.
- Johnny Damon, the Kansas City centerfielder, led the AL in stolen bases.

My point is this: get with the times, Rick.

Live the life you've dreamed of, Cindy Brownlow

Tobacco road: Delaware's Rt. 13

Quite a few of the out-of-staters on Route 13 last week said they there's more to the trip than buying [low-tax] cigarettes. They eat lunch, visit family, shop.

"We make a day of it," said Cindy Brownlow, 41, a decorator from Millville. "Sometimes I'll head over to Entenmann's and get some snacks."

It's a one-hour drive each way from Millville, NJ, to New Castle, DE. "She must have an exciting life, to make an entire day of going to DE to get cigs and snacks," notes co-worker Ann. "I hope the scenery's nice."

Monday, April 23, 2007

i thnk we shud c othr ppl

Breaking up: not so hard to do over IM.


Friday, April 20, 2007

He runs like a girl, but he'll always be Slappy to me

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Don't you wish your Remy was hot like me?

"He has been ejected, and never allowed to order pizza again."

Monday, April 16, 2007

What shall I do with these people?

And why do they keep voting Democratic?

Just to clarify, for my gentile friends: making money is not part of the Jewish religion.

Sunday, April 15, 2007


I love Jackie Robinson as much as the next guy. No, I love Jackie Robinson more than the next guy. He's been my hero since the sixth grade.

But if the Dodgers are all going to wear 42 on the back of their jerseys, can they put names there, too?

Are there ever plays in baseball where the umpire has to call a runner out, and clarify which one? Like, when a runner passes another on the basepaths? What happens if that happens tonight?

"No. 42, you're out! The white guy, uh, the one of you who isn't Nomar -- you're out!"

Wait -- is Troy Aikman calling baseball games now?

"He doesn't throw as hard as you might think, in terms of velocity."
--- Joe Morgan

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Don't buy this item

if you actually like to sit on your toilet now and then.

Hey, isn't that ...


Among my favorite things about reruns: the extras.

Friday, April 13, 2007

National Hero Once Played Baseball

So decrees

I suppose it's an appropriate article, actually, but I find myself irritated by the headline.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Censored News of 2007?

The enhanced ability of soda machines to accept poor-quality, highly crumbled dollar bills is the greatest underreported story in America today. Kids today probably have no idea how to smooth out a dollar on the front corner of vending machine, or why anyone would do such a thing.

Kudos to Richard M. Geerdes, President & CEO of the National Automatic Merchandising Association, one of America's greatest heroes.

Monday, April 09, 2007

After B.C.

I hope he's in heaven, because it was REALLY important to him to get there.

Gene Weingarten on Johnny Hart, the creator of the vile anti-semitic, anti-Arab, anti-Muslim, misogynist comic, B.C.

Sunday, April 08, 2007

Great moments in Josh

Good: Remembers to put his tupperware, from that day's work lunch, in the dishwasher
Bad: Forgets to remove the lid

Saturday, April 07, 2007

Jerks Not Named Lerner

From BaseballProspectus: brilliance.

As you may have heard, the Mariners/Indians game at Jacobs Field was snowed out today, the teams completing just shy of 4 1/2 innings before the weather got the best of them. While the game, and Paul Byrd’s no-hitter, never happened officially, the Tribe can’t wipe out the worst news of the day so easily. Catcher Victor Martinez left the game with a left quad strain, and it’s not clear how much time he’ll miss.

Sympathy for Martinez is easy to come by. Sympathy for the Indians, however, should be in short supply. They have been the worst offender in the modern trend towards playing baseball games in weather not fit for man nor beast. Since Jacobs Field opened in 1994, the Indians have routinely forced their fans to sit through rain delays of two hours or more, and nasty, wet weather once the game gets underway, rather than calling the game and potentially sacrificing the ticket revenue. There are other reasons why games like today’s get played–the difficulty of rescheduling them in an unbalanced-schedule/interleague-play environment was certainly a factor in today’s silliness, as the Mariners don’t return to Cleveland in 2007–but the desire to avoid rain checks or refunds is chief among them. This is an aggressively anti-fan approach, one that forces the paying customer to choose between sitting in the rain for hours or eating his investment in the ticket. Today’s game never should have started; in fact, it should have been called in the morning, before the fans started for the park. That the Indians chose to even try to get it in is an affront to everyone who held a ticket.

In light of their involvement in the outcome, it’s hard to sympathize much with how they were denied the win.

Friday, April 06, 2007

Google searches from my work account

Results 1 - 10 of about 418,000 for bj wholesale club shopping store. (0.28 seconds)

... just in case anyone is checking my computer's cache.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Some National League Thoughts

NLE: Mets, Phillies, Marlins, Braves, Nationals
NLC: Brewers, Cubs, Cardinals, uh, Raptors, Bluejackets, and Volunteers
NLW: Diamondbacks, Dodgers, Padres, Giants*, Rockies

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

American League Predictions

American League East
1. Boston. Question: Will Varitek and Pedroia's bats hurt the offense too much?
2. New York. Do they have enough starting pitching?
3. Toronto. Are their road uniforms the ugliest baseball?
4. Baltimore. Who cares?
5. Tampa Bay. Can they develop a prospect?

American League Central
1. Cleveland. Am I overrating their young talent?
2. Minnesota. Will Fransisco Whathisname return?
3. Detroit. Will Sheffield elevate their offense? Will their starting pitching be as good as last year?
4. Chicago. Am I missing something, or is this a bad team?
5. Kansas City. Will Alex Gordon and Mark Teahan make this a fun team to watch?

American League West
1. Texas. Does winning-by-default count?
1a. Anaheim. Will Jered Weaver continue to develop, or will Bartolo Colon eat him during a road trip?
3. Oakland. Am I missing something, or will this team have one of the worst offenses in baseball?
4. Seattle. Is Jose Vidro really this team's DH? Really? Him?