Dispatches from the Carolina League

On Saturday, the Joshes traveled to Frederick, Md., for a nice afternoon in the city (second-largest in Maryland, according to the local paper) and a home game for the Frederick Keys.

Trivia: What's third largest city in Maryland? Answer in the comments.

Keys is a strange (read: lousy) name for a team. I believe their name has something to do with Francis Scott Key, which really isn't a great reason for naming anything other than one of his descendants. The mascot is a dog named "Keyote," which is a pun (or something) on coyote. The kids near me called him "Coyote," (KI-odie, not KEY-odie) so it's not working. If there's some town pride at work, there are many items in the Star-Spangled Banner that work as team names. My high school's nickname was the Rockets. I'm just saying.

The Keys/Rockets were playing the Myrtle Beach Pelicans. I don't know a thing about the Carolina League. I think it's considered High A, meaning that all the players are younger than my cousin Zac, who is now entering his junior year in college. The bat boys are 6. Toddlers run the concession stands. I tell ya, it's a very young place.

But like I said, I don't know anything about this league or its players. I asked the guy in front of me what franchise the Pelicans belong to. He didn't know, but he said that the guy in front of him was a scout, so I asked that guy.

I'd like to take a moment to remind everyone of a great scene in Airplane! (The exclamation mark is in the movie title. I'm not that excited to tell you about the scene.)

Elaine : I'll see if I can find some Dramamine. (Goes to cockpit) Captain, one of the woman passengers is very sick.

Oever : Airsick?

Elaine : I think so, but I've never seen it so acute.

Oever : Find out if there's a doctor on board as quietly as you can ... Joey ... have you ever been in a, a Turkish prison?

Father : Ohhhhhhhhhh, I shouldn't have had that second cup of coffee. (He vomits)

Mother2 : (In echo voice) Jim never vomits at home.

Elaine : I'm sorry I had to wake you, I'm just looking for a doctor, there's nothing to worry about.

Woman3 : Stewardess, I think the man sitting next to me is a Doctor.

Elaine : Sir, excuse me sir, I am sorry I have to wake you, sir, are you adoctor?


At this moment, we see Leslie Neilson sitting in a lab coat with a stethoscope around his neck and one of those reflector-thingies over his forehead.

I think I could have been able to tell that the man sitting in front of me was a scout because of (a) his clipboard, (b) his stack of printed statistics (way more than I'd take to a game), (c) his stopwatch, and (d) his radar gun. This man worked for the Braves, who are the big-league club for the Pelicans. I asked him who I should be watching in that night's game, for example, any high draft picks. He told me that the shortstop, Elvis [!] Andrus is very good, and a lot of people like the third baseman, Eric Campbell, but he's not impressed. I was pretty amazed at his candor -- not like he was telling state secrets or anything, but still. Pretty cool.

I then asked if there was anyone on the Keys (affiliate of the Orioles) who I should be watching out for. Silence. Pause. "Well, last night's pitcher (Brandon Erbe) is okay." Silence. "Pretty thin system?" I asked. "Yep," he said.